F as in fail

And here I go again.
It may not be good for me, but I don't fucking care. I love it. It's the only fucking thing that keeps me a tiny bit sane here.

But
I'm horrible.
I suck.
I'm the worst, most useless asshole on earth.
I'm an idiot.
Like in, pretty damn stupid.
Like in, I fail every fucking class at school.
Oh, and did I mention my examn?
Hm. No I didn't. And I'm never, ever doing it again either...
How the fuck am I going to tell my parents this?
I'm not sure if I can handle letting them down like this...

I am useless

No lie, I am.
I fucking hate it.

I wasn't trying to brag

I wish you understood how my self-esteem is. I wasn't trying to brag about it or anything, I just thought the picture was cute, and showed it to you because he's your son and I thought you would like to see a cute picture of him.
I know I'm not a good photographer, I just thought it was a nice picture. (one in a hundred can be good, no matter if you're good or bad!)

"ehm, it's okey..." is not a nice respons, you could've just shut your mouth! I didn't ask for you to judge it or anything, I simply said "Take a look!"

...

*funny how one small comment and two condescending eyes like that can ruin such a good mood.

You're angry

I don't think I've done anything wrong this time... Not that wrong at least. I was drunk and the message sounded a bit worse than I thought, I can see that now, but still...
I'll send you a message to tell you that I'm sorry now, but to be honest, it doesn't bother me much if you don't forgive me.

Do you remember?

Remember when the three of us layed in the grass and drank beer for almost the first time? Our bestfriend was talking while we listened. And we were holding hands and looking at the stars and life was, for a few moments, nearly perfect... '<3

Right now I want to get stoned (or drunk, maybe?) and lie on your chest. We won't have to talk (but we can if you want to). And you'd hug me tight like you did that night, and I'll feel safe and funny and awkward and confused and wanted and happy just like I did then. And I would remember what it feels like to have something to loose, to care for something, to be truly happy, for one more moment...













(Is this how you look at me?)

私は後悔

'
Я шкадую, Λυπάμαι, Is oth liom...

И да, Dinge nicht so klappt, wie sie sind angeblich ... Je voudrais que quelqu'un pourrait me dire quoi faire.

โปรดช่วยฉัน

This

'
'
is what I


want


need


miss


desire


wish


dream


long for

...

I think wrong, I don't belong, I don't fit, I don't give a shit.




























Fuck this.

If you knew how much I miss you... Would you contact me?