I can't handle this

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

She talked to me again. Reminded me of my failure. Reminded me that she knows who I am. It is the worst thing ever, I have no idea how to handle this. I was starting to get okey with it, didn't thing much about it... And then she reminds me. "It's strange that I know who you are, but you don't have any idea who I am. And I am actually a bit scared to tell you. Strange, huh? It's not like I think you would tell all our friends who I am or anything. I won't do that to you".

I sure as hell hope you wont. I would have to delete it, and that would be awfully sad. But I hate this. I hate that I talked to someone who knows me! What are the odds?? FUCK!
And she lied. She knows me well. We have the same friends. Hang at the same places.

I wish I never started this shit at all. I hate it. How can this happen? I've worked 15 years, building up this wall, this cover, this image, this... me. And then, just because I desperately wanted a stupid letter in my mail, I blew it all. It's done. Over. Destroyed. I am just another disgusting, weak, pathetic idiot who complains and cries about everything. I don't think anyone can understand how much I've put in this over the years. All the effort, the late nights, the fights and all the other things. It's my entire life, and now everything is gone.

She didn't even send me a letter. I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't be here, I've ruined my own life. Ruined. For good. For ever. And that's a long fucking time.
Fuck.
I hate this.